best left unsaid
by coleytaylor
Summary: The five stages of an unrequited crush.


**A/N: this is my first fic for a hogwarts school of witchcraft & wizardry (challenges & assignments)! the prompt is muggle studies #2: write a five stages of story. also, the title is from unsaid by flor.**

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 _i. love at first sight_

Hermione is thirteen, studying in the library on her own. She is surrounded by books, piled so high she almost does not see the beautiful girl who sits across the table from her. It is the week before finals; the library is crowded, and Hermione's is the only empty table. It shouldn't mean anything, that this girl sits here. It doesn't, Hermione tells herself.

The girl offers a friendly nod before sitting down, arranging her own wall of books. She is all poise and shiny hair, self-assured in a way that makes Hermione want to be her and kiss her at the same time. Mostly the latter, she thinks, as the girl sweeps her hair into a ponytail in one fluid, practiced motion. Hermione meets her gaze, wonders if her wide eyes can pass off as a lowly third year impressed by a fourth year deigning to be in her presence.

They work in silence, Hermione reading the same sentence on the uses of moonstone over and over again, more focused on sneaking glances at the girl across from her. Cho Chang, she learns from the top of a History of Magic essay.

There's a snap, and a sigh. "D'you have an extra quill?"

Hermione nearly upturns her ink pot in the process, but she hands Cho a quill, flashes her a grin—brights around a blind curve at two AM. Cho smiles back, running lights, but a smile nevertheless.

When Hermione leaves the library late that evening, she still has no idea what moonstones for.

 _ii. quiet observation_

On Quidditch match days, when Ron and Harry are off in la-la land, talking about quaffle dives or obscure penalties or weather conditions, Hermione spends time with Lavender and Parvati. She's a bit of a third wheel, but it's nice to hang out with girls for a change, and she certainly isn't unwelcome. Today Gryffindor is playing Ravenclaw, and the sun is strong for march. Parvati suggests they go down to the Quidditch pitch early, and who is Hermione to object?

They climb up and up and up, finding a seat at the very top of the stands. Hermione loses track of the conversation, watches the Ravenclaw seeker warm up. Cho is doing little hops in place to keep warm.

"Are those moon eyes I see?" Parvati asks. Hermione flinches, then blushes, turns to Parvati to brush it off.

"Roger Davies is totally hot, I get it," Lavender says. They dissolve into giggles, and Hermione pretends to watch him stretch his hamstrings.

Even with Parvati and Lavender, the stands offer a sense of anonymity. Up here, she is no one. She can watch Cho without fear, here. Sneaking glances in the hallways would feel predatory, wrong, even though Hermione is fourteen and tiny and generally un-threatening, unless someone brings up House Elf Liberation. Girls her age can openly lust after guys like Roger Davies, but she cannot express an innocent crush.

Harry spots them, and waves. Hermione waves back, wondering if Harry can really see her face. Wondering if—maybe hoping that—anyone down on the pitch can.

 _iii. hope_

Hermione is overflowing with nervous energy. She's practically skipping towards the fourth floor classroom the note from Dumbledore said to meet at. She slows down, fishes for the slip of paper in her bag. It must have fallen to the bottom, beneath textbooks and broken quills. Hermione pulls it out of her bag in triumph, and runs straight into Cho Chang.

"Oh, sorry!" Cho says, like this is her fault and not Hermione's. She's apologetic, her hands flying around and landing on Hermione's shoulders.

"It's alright, it's fine."

Cho's hand moves to Hermione's back, and they walk together into the room. It's not the small of her back, but still. She shivers, even though it's not cold in the room.

"Did you get a letter, too?" Cho says. She's so impossibly warm. But Hermione knows that this is nothing more than politeness. When Cho sits close up next to her, it's probably nothing more than girls-who-are-friends custom. Hermione's never had a lot of female friends.

She just nods. Her instinct is to leave it at that, but she can't let the conversation die out. "Do you know what Dumbledore wants with us?"

"I haven't the foggiest." They exchange a smile. This, Hermione thinks, is the kind of girls-who-are-friends thing she could get behind. Her heart is honest to god fluttering, and there's no way Cho doesn't feel this too.

The door opens, then, and Ron comes in, and the moment is over. Cho doesn't smile as brightly for Ron, and Hermione can't help but cling to that.

 _iv. jealousy_

It's not an accident that Hermione has scheduled the Quibbler interview today. She feigns surprise when Harry mentions his date with Cho. "Oh, was that today? So sorry, Harry. Of course you should still go."

Hermione spends the morning in the Three Broomsticks with Luna and Rita Skeeter, all three of them pretending Rita isn't there. Hermione finds herself drinking a Butterbeer at eleven in the morning and spilling everything to Luna. It feels safe, somehow.

"He doesn't deserve her," she sighs, after talking for a full five minutes about Cho's hair.

Luna, who has been listening in silence, chooses to opine. "Men don't possess the same energy as we women do, you know."

Hermione grimaces, not sure if Luna is the person she wants to hear this from. Still, maybe she has a point. "Go on."

"That's why wizards invented cologne. The magical energy is very alluring."

Hermione sighs. What did she expect?

"You shouldn't be jealous," Luna says. Luna Lovegood can see reality, and she can't. Never before has Hermione been so unable to grasp the facts. To act rationally.

"I know," she says, and she does.

 _v. acceptance_

Harry doesn't see Cho any more, and Hermione doesn't care. She really, really doesn't. She apologizes again and again for ruining his date, and means it.

"It's alright, Hermione," he says, more than once. "We weren't going to make it."

Harry wasn't meant to be with Cho, and neither is Hermione.

The next time they have double Charms, Padma Patil winks at her over the teapots they're supposed to be changing color. Hermione winks back.


End file.
